and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Randomize
