i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
