if i can run in heels then i can drive
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
