I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
