I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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