I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
