its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
