I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Randomize
