OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
