I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
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