I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
