My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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