i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
