remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
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