If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
