im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
