and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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