grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
