im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
