good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
