Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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