Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
