You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
