We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
