I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
