READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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