I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
