Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
