I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
