I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
pop tarts are not kleenex
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
