Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
