i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
