My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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