Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
