u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
