I heard we made out
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
