who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
