How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
