Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
