? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Randomize
