butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
