I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
