Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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