Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
