Her vagina should come with caution tape.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
