i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Randomize
