nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Randomize
