Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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