your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
