dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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