I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize